I am here writing, to you my viewers, an entry from which they call, a heart-to-heart.
Haha I am still thinking of a way to begin this entry. I had everything in my mind last night, I wanted to write it down, I should’ve, but I was too tired. Don’t blame me, all the tears of shock and disappointment were running across my cheek, holding me back from any happy thought…
Not very long ago, I met a person whom I used to hate like there was no tomorrow. I hated her guts. I hated her presence. I hated her existence. And yes, I was jealous for the fact that she took my place in my friends’ hearts, and I’m saying that because I know she did.
Day by day, I grew to realize how much wrong I was about her. Many of my assumptions turned out to be completely the opposite. I didn’t know what to do with myself because of all the horrible false accusations. I blamed myself like hell, because this person whom I hated the most became the closest of a person could ever be to me.
I told her hell of a lot of things, and she did just the same. You know the feeling were you have a friend that no matter how many little of times you see, this friend would still be close to your heart? Yeah, that was exactly how we both felt. I was amazed by such a friendship; I never knew I’d ever have such. I talked to everyone about it, I bragged about it, I’ve written about it to everyone! It was the perfect phase of my life where everything just fell into place.
Notice the past tense in my previous paragraph? Yeah, that friendship doesn’t exist anymore. Apparently, she did not appreciate what we had, or at least she did for just that period of time. I thought, I don’t blame her, I might be boring, I might be annoying, I might have talked a lot, and I thought, I’m gonna change.
Just when I was ready to change, it hit me. I change? For a person who didn’t appreciate my own self? For a person who doesn’t want to be my friend because of how I act? For a person who would NOT change for my sake either? Excuse me, but that just doesn’t work for me. If I am ever to be loved and appreciated, it will be because of who I truly am! It will be because of my true self! It will be because of own traits that are wanted by many, many other people out there.
I love myself for whoever I am. Life IS too short to hate anyway! And no, I don’t hate her, I hold no grudges on her and I have no hard feelings towards her. In fact, I am very much thankful for all the lessons I’ve learned. It’s amazing how much you learn from a person you dislike than a person you like!
She once told me to narrow my circle of friends and keep in touch with the ones I only care about the most, and I did, and I regret it! Because once you know the due date of your life, you’ll cry. You’ll cry like no other. You know why? Not because you’re parting life, but because you’ll realize you don’t have enough friends to mourn for your death. Because you’ll realize that there aren’t enough people to remember your good deeds; because you’ll realize you wont be missed as much as you thought or wanted; because you’ll realize you wont be remembered as the girl who “…” (fill in the blank!).
Flashbacks. Memories. Remorse. Yesterday night, it all hit me. I wont waste my time pushing people away, I wont narrow the circle of my friends, I’ll expand it wider than ever, and yes, I’ll care about each and every single one of them. She had a problem with appreciation and I wont be like her. I wont act like a sister for a couple of weeks and ditch like you did. It hurt me, and I don’t think she realizes it, but you know what else she didn’t realize? That she made me a great favor teaching me such a lesson in a very short while. Thank you, my dear.
Be you. Be proud of who you are. Befriend people who love you for who you are. Be the person who strongly stands for what position you are in. Be the person you want to be, and don’t change for the sake of other’s pleasure.
The more the haters, the faster the self-construction.
I love you, my folks. I love you, my family. I love you, my friends. And I love me, myself & I.
